my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
