I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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