This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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