Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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