Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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