I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
