I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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