In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
