I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Your penis caused this!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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