I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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