So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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