I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
