i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize