a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
