You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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