we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
