Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
