I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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