Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
