Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
