i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
