Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
