I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
