I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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