Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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