dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
