White coat. Heels.
I puked a lego.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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