Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
