I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
