I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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