It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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