As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
