tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
