census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
