u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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