whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
