so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
