I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
