I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
