I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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