i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
