Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
