It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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