I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
