Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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