when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
