The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you would pick up someone in the library
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
