i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
