I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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