A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So many bounce houses so little time
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
