Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize