i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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