are you still at the devil's house?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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