bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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