id be glad to
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
