Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
