dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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