I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
