wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
