I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
