i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize