So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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