Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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