You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
