Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need a beard to bite.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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